Hi there. It's been a while since I posted something eh. Well, now I'm writing most of my feelings in a book where no one can read it. I need privacy once in a while. So, what to write here I have no idea but I'm going to try anyways. Have you ever heard of something called wherever or whatever it is, do it with your most effort and never regret? Sure you did eh. That's what I feel like talking about here now. I can't help it but to just accept things the way it is. I mean, whatever I do it does not matter because everything I do I know I've given my best effort and if it's a failure the least is I've tried, right? I don't know why but I'm just accepting everything that's happening to me now. It's not awesome obviously but it's meant to be so why run when I can always face it. It hurts me sometimes but it is okay. I've learned to take things as it is and experience makes me a little bit more stronger. I don't hate the fact that I have to go through all this but I appreciate it because it shows that God is giving me something to ponder about and all this is because I need to learn from it. Take it as a lesson. Once, I thought losing someone was a punishment but now how thankful I am because it taught me that in life you might lose precious people or things and all you got to do is to continue living and not give up. It also means it is a challenge and not to show how weak you can be instead to fight your way up and prove how strong it makes you. I believe that if it wasn't for all this pain, I wouldn't even mature or think positively. I might still be living in my own dreamworld where everything goes according to what I want. My life would be scripted. Now that there's a challenge, I am taking another route which I don't even know where it's going to lead me. When nothing goes right, go left. Never rely on one thing but always plan another. If plan A doesn't work out, you have another 25 alphabets to go with so never give up. At the end of the route, you'll find something worth it. All it takes are time ,effort and patience. You sometimes deserve better but you just do not realize it. One mistake is not the end neither is one lost but giving up is what makes it an ending in life (: So, I guess that is what I'm going to do for now. Life is all about making the best out of it and being creative not dull :D
Monday, 14 November 2011
Wednesday, 9 November 2011
Dear blog, you've been a good companion and a loyal listener (: I thank you for that and I won't ask more of you only to just need you to stay the same. I've no idea what to write now but I still feel like writing and here it goes. Hmm, yesterday's okay and I did basically nothing apart from just sitting around at home in front of my laptop. Boring life? You tell me. So, I've been listening to this one video with three songs since morning up till now as in the whole day. I have no clue why am I so addicted to it but one thing's for sure is that I kept on pressing the replay button. Freaky, I can see that. It's just that there's too much in my mind and I need to tune it all down so I helped myself by listening to these songs. I don't even know what's right and what's wrong now. I need to talk to someone but I couldn't because I don't know how to explain things. I met my best friend today afternoon and I needed her so badly! I mean I need someone to tell me that I'm sane and whatever I'm doing is the right thing. If it's not the right thing, at least someone to tell me how to fix things. The whole day, I was able to hide my actual feelings but not now because I can't sleep. Please, I hope everything goes okay and I can actually forget things that I don't want to remember. I hoped that being with friends just now can actually make me let loose of myself and be more positive. I'm going to send a silent prayer so that what I hope will come true. Amin (: It was nice too despite all of the gloomy emotions I'm feeling, I admit that I did have some nice time. Thanks to some, I guess. That's all I'm telling. I had an up and down day but I'm still breathing and continuing my life hoping for a better outcome in the upcoming days :DD
Tuesday, 8 November 2011
SMILE pleaseee. Okay , I just want to make a point that I'm happy? Haha. No, it's just that I've come clean about my feelings to someone and pheww no more guilt now. Maybe a little bit of awkwardness but at least both of us would feel it instead of me alone which definitely will suck. I don't expect much because I'm tired of expecting so I'm just going to go with the flow. If it's working then (: but if it doesn't, I'll just take it as it is. I know all this while I've been talking about moving on, right? The truth is I've never planned on moving on, not at all. It's just me trying to convince myself that I am capable of moving on but I don't even have the strength for it. Amazing that all of a sudden, I am taking one step ahead of my past which I've held on for so long now. I don't plan to be having this feeling for anyone and by that I mean I don't easily have feelings for people but now here I am acting like this. *cuckoo* I don't even know if this is a right thing whether it is a good feeling or not. Seriously, I've given up. Then , when I went out with this person, for the 1st time I felt comfortable and easy. I don't feel that way with guys even if I've lots of guy friends, I don't put myself in a comfy state if I'm around them. This time, it just feels different for me. It's not the face, not the style but it's more to me feeling relaxed and not try so hard to be normal. Weird? You got that right. I don't even get me or what I'm talking about right now. HAHA. Whatever it is, I'm thankful for this because I am definitely moving on and this feeling I'm having helps a lot. I don't know if the person would feel the same way and as much as I know this feeling is wrong, I still am grateful despite what the outcomes might be. Thank you :D Sorry for the heads up. I'm not close to being a perfect someone but at times , I've figured out that happiness is yours only once you see past all the imperfections. No one can have what they want but they will get only what they need and that's life. I know that things usually falls apart so that other things will fall together so I'm taking my life that way. It had been broken once in the past but now I'm trying to fix it so new memories will fill in the old ones and best if it can replace them (:
Sunday, 6 November 2011
" I just don't know if I can do it anymore. "
" Get close to somebody , just to push them away and watch them leave, again! "
Yes. I've been through that. I admit I used to be the one leaving but when I was the one left, I understood how much it hurts especially when the person who left you was the one you cared the most. People say you won't feel until you've been hit at least once. So there goes my lucky hit and it made me 'feel' for quite some time. I changed after that and I don't know if it's for the better or worst. Now, it sucks because all I could think of is for me to feel safe and there's no more adventure. I don't try new things and explore more because I'm afraid of getting hurt. Paranoia much , I know. I can't afford losing anyone anymore so I push people away from me. I put myself in the center of a solid wall that limits me and the others which is good in some ways but bad in others. How am I going to recover from that? I can't live like this all my life. I mean, sure you can live like there's no one to worry about but somehow deep down I know it's difficult to not feel some kind of a lost. I know this because I feel it. I miss all the things I used to have. I miss having someone that I can talk to and tell almost everything. Also, I miss having someone who would care for me and tell me things I want to hear. So stuck-up lame I know that but I just can't help but miss these things. After all , I am human so, missing and wanting is a normal behaviour for me. Just that I can't bear losing again. No more D:
Wednesday, 2 November 2011
Meet us ! I don't know
what else to write so I'm introducing my 'husband' and 'madu'. Mehehehe #gedikgila Well, I just met them in University this year but we've gotten really close to each other. I have to say I like joking around with them. Mardhiah is the one always being funny and weird. Nabilah's more to a matured attitude
with a hint of cheekiness. They're really fun to hang around with (:
This baby here on my lap is Ivy. She's my 'madu' too and with her around, it makes four of us a whole. She's very cute and fun to chit chat with. To top it up she's a honey and always being funny. See how it rhymes? lol (:
Okay so here it goes, I love this people so very much and even if we've only gotten to know each other for a short while, we've been through a lot together. Assignments, hang outs, troubles and such. A few months can be quite a memory for me being around them. When I cry, these people are the ones who would comfort me because I'm nowhere near my family. They make me feel like things are going to work out fine. They make me smile at every second a day no matter how rough things had been. I spend the morning till evening with all four of them and the nights with Madee and Ivy as Nabilah's not staying in college. We hung around each other
almost 24/7 so even if it was only a few months yet we know one other's life better. We share all the secrets together whether it is embarassing , bad or vice versa. We built our friendship with sincerity and no matter what we are in person, we always have each other's back and not let the other go down alone (: I love you guys and yes, I miss you so much. I hope that even if we're not in the same class next semester we can always stick like how we did for these past few months. Please? I can't see myself not being close to all of you this new semester. Sad actually and I pray that we can be in the same class. If not, I wish we could spend time together after classes are over :D
Whatever it is, once a friend we stay friends , okay babies? :DD
Tuesday, 1 November 2011
The picture speaks for itself. Humans are so annoying because at 1st impression they tend to judge. See, our brains function to detect people's attitude , appearance and what not and there comes 1st impressions. Well, the impressions we get at 1st sight may or may not be true. In my point of view, judging someone after getting to know them for a short while always mislead us to certain things. Observing someone by the way they dress up , talk , walk or whatsoever is a bad way to find out how they actually are in person. I sometimes do that too so I'm writing this to remind myself not to jump into conclusions just by seeing how someone appears to look like. I don't know why but I just hate it when people judge without knowing the truth or the story behind every action a person does. Seriously man, don't be so paranoia with things around you. A guy may appear all good-looking and gentleman but deep down he can be such a pain-in-the-butt jerk. A girl can be so flawless and dreamy but she might be a stuck-up-b***h somewhere so it's obvious that judgements on the outer personality is so wrong. Why not try making conversations and get to know them better then you can have the rights to judge. I know this because in life, I've encountered so many people who just judge from what they see without having the heart to know what the actual reason is behind every action done. I feel terrible on behalf of them for what they've been missing. Who knows the person they hate all this while could've been the best friend a person could ask for. Pity. So please, whatever it is try seeking for an explanation for a better glimpse of what someone is like. Don't be a hater because no hate is going to bring you satisfaction instead it'll only make you feel insecure about yourself. True. Hmm..I wonder how many relationships could have been saved, how many farce relationships unshackled, how many business deals might have been clinched, how many frauds could have been averted, if we were never equipped with this human-instinct of judging people from appearances! Lol. Who knows, right? Nobody. You do get me however that just don't be so judging on what appears to the naked eye because at times, only the heart speaks and knowing someone by the heart brings more joy and understanding rather than outer appearance (: Note that one can pretend to be someone one is not and vice versa. Life is full of adventures so enjoy experiencing them while you can and make the best out of it. Don't fill yourself with hatred because no fun will ever comes out of it :3
Monday, 31 October 2011
Haha. Cliche? Yepp, righteous. Life is all about things making their way until people are tired and gotten used to it. Why oh why do we have weaknesses? I don't know, people say it's life. It spices things up for us sometimes. I'm writing this more to a personal basis. I once have a friend who was everything to me. If you're reading this, good because I'm sick of keeping it to myself. I hate you. However, tell you this, the opposite of love is not hate but it's indifference because if you hate someone so much, you still care yet indifference shows that the person means nothing to you but just a stranger you never knew. So, I do care about you just I can't bear the fact that you treated me like I'm a doll. Play with me when you're bored and set me aside when you got other things to get busy with. Seriously. It just crossed my mind that why am I still waiting when you don't even care. I have to learn to let go, not now but one day. Now, I just need to tell you this.. Thank You. You've been my strength for some time now. I would've broken down and lose the fight but knowing that you were there, I took the courage to get back up. I needed you and you were always there to help. I remembered getting myself stuck in a conflict and I ended up calling you to ease things up. It's easy to open up to you because I trusted you. See how much I relied on you before? You were once my strength but now you've become my weakness. Things change in just a blink of an eye. I cried to myself a lot of time and every time I shed tears, I promised myself to remember that you were the cause of my pain. You are the reason for me not having any trust to anyone anymore. For once I gave my whole trust to someone I was hoping would appreciate it instead that someone crushed them to pieces. I guess I was wrong to trust you from the beginning so I deserved it. I am grateful that you came into my life and walked out because you gave me a glimpse of what life is all about and a new perspective in it.I miss you. Believe me but I know one thing for sure, if I am brave enough to say 'Good Bye' life will reward me with a new 'Hello'. I give you my word I'll find the strength to say it one day. Yes, I will (:
Sunday, 30 October 2011
"I look into your eyes, all I see is deep down you want to cry".
Have you ever felt that way every time you look into a mirror? I do,sometimes. Emotional? Yes, soOo me :3 Well, I've read somewhere that to gain strength is to breakdown. Without breaking, no one would actually learn how to get up no matter what sex you are,male or female. Guys who cry aren't sissy or gay, obviously. A single drop of a tear a guy shed brings thousand of meanings and proves how manly he is to not be afraid to show his weaknesses. You do know that not many are brave enough to show how weak and breakable they are inside,right? Typical. I've met tonnes of people who act that way and I don't blame them because nobody would want to feel insecure. I admit I tend to do that most of the times. I show people how strong I am or can be , trying my best that I can live a simple happy life but.. NO! There are just things that would always make me cry and I have my own weaknesses. The person who always come out strong and seems to always have control of oneself would be the one in most need of a hug. Though, there is nothing to be ashamed of about being weak and vulnerable. It is part of us being human. Insecurities make one wants to improve oneself and see past the imperfections thus, giving out one's inner strength. It is a balance cycle don't you think? (: So whatever it is just don't be all scared to feel weak, look on the bright side, after the rain is over you'll see colors of a rainbow and at the end of a rainbow there will be a pot of gold. It applies the same here, at the end of your weaknesses, you will find the reason to be strong. Falling is a challenge for one to stand back up and risk to take the first step even how hurtful one knows it could be. However, the reward is always worth the pain. Learn that life is never to wait for the storm to pass but to enjoy dancing in the rain
Saturday, 29 October 2011
Teddies!! Oh , I'm a sucker when it comes to teddy bears #truefact . I ell oo vee ee teddies that I can go crazy if you bring me to a place full of teddies. I would rather stay there and look at them all day. Mehehehe. Crazy much? I know. Well, I have some things in my wishlist that I want to put it down in words. Wishlist : #1. I want a teddy so big that I would feel tiny looking at it. Impossible? Well, it is a wish so adding a hint of impossibility won't hurt. Haha! Okay seriously, teddies make my day. I sleep with teddies, I like hugging them. So cuddly and adorable. Nuff said. #2. I want to scream out my lungs on a mountain or at least a cliff. I don't know why but it sounds fun. Don't you think so? #3. I want to do a bungee jump and sky diving. Extreme sports aren't to my liking but yes, I would love to try that. It's part of me being able to fly even for just a little while. That's the fun in it. #4. A date on a hot air balloon. Don't care if it's a date with a friend or a special friend as long as it's a hot air balloon. It's like you would be the only ones around and having the time alone. It's a moment to forget everything I'm going through and just enjoy the scenery. #5. I wish to sit and spend time in a meadow with someone I care so much one whole day. I know it sounds so cliche but I am just an average girl. Simple things can mean so much to me sometimes and I would treasure even the smallest effort someone does for me. Hee. Cheeky , yes I do realize that. Who cares as long as I'm happy and it is MY wishlist, right. :DD Bambambammm ..
Friday, 28 October 2011
Yes, I still keep them. I want to throw them away so badly but every time I look at it, I just don't have the heart to do so. Reading them bring back memories that I don't even want to remember, believe me. Now, I keep them in a box and try the hardest to not glimpse at it even for a minute. I don't know if you remember but I do. Every details of what I've written to you once. Why is it so hard to let go? I don't know. It's just that each time I feel like giving up, I think of the reason why I held on in the 1st place. Fortunately, I've realized that some things or people are meant to stay only in my heart but they don't have a place in my life anymore. I do feel grateful that at some point I used to be the reason behind your smile. I let myself become a prisoner to the memories and never wanted to let go. No worries, I am going to let go now that I understand life never gives what we want. It gives only what we need. That's why it is called life. Unpredictable moments come and go never leaving a sign D:
:D weeeeee.. S.M.I.L.E ! Do you do that often? Well, I've read that smiling has its very own benefits. I know sometimes we don't smile and even if we do at times it is going to come out fake. Yeah, I know that because I do that a lot too. Mehehehee. But here, I'm just saying that smiling is a good thing especially when we feel stressed out (:
Reasons for us to smile?? Bambambammm...smiling is a cute expression so when you do this -- (:
People just feel attracted instantaneously. Trust me! Also, it makes you look slightly younger rather than having a frown on your face. It lifts up your muscle so you will always look radiant . Smiling is contagious.When someone is smiling they lighten up the room, change the moods of others, and make things happier. A smiling person brings happiness with them. Smile lots and you will draw people to you. So, smile to a guy, he'll be addicted to you. LOL. If you are facing problems, smile. It relieves your stress and heals your headache. Whenever you feel gloomy or sad, curve up your lips and again, smile. You would be surprise at how much magic it has to change your mood (: Sometimes, when you look at how lucky people are and you wish to be like them, smile. When you do that, you are most likely to have a positive mindset and everything will workout fine your way. Successful people love to smile because they are happy with what they have achieved. Why not? I mean even if we are ordinary people, just smile and be proud that you've succeeded to live your life until now :DD
Other facts, well smiling is proven scientifically to be a healthy lifestyle. Studies have shown that smiling releases endorphins, natural pain killers, and serotonin. Together these three make us feel good. Smiling is a natural drug. Wow! When you smile, there is a measurable reduction in your blood pressure. Give it a try if you have a blood pressure monitor at home. Sit for a few minutes, take a reading. Then smile for a minute and take another reading while still smiling. Tell me if you spot any difference. Smiling helps the immune system to work better. When you smile, immune function improves possibly because you are more relaxed thus it prevents the flu and colds.
Wednesday, 26 October 2011
So, let's talk about crushes now. How do you know you're having a crush on someone? Love is a better description but let us assume that this is the early stage and you are beginning to fall in love with someone, okay? Here are some true facts about guys and is it a crush or not. Oh well, I'm no love doctor blablabla but I'm just going to crap about it no matter what people say :p LOL!
- Guys don’t actually look after good-looking girls. they prefer neat and presentable girls.
- "Are you doing something?” or “Have you eaten already?” are the first usual questions a guy asks on the phone just to get out from stammering.
- Guys may be flirting around all day but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.
- When a guy really likes you, he’ll disregard all your bad characteristics.
- Guys usually try hard to get the girl who has dumped them, and this makes it harder for them to accept their defeat.
- Guys are good flatterers when courting but they usually stammer when they talk to a girl they really like.
- When a girl says “no”, a guy hears it as “try again tomorrow”
- You can never understand him unless you listen to him.
- A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you.
- When a girl makes the boy suffer during courtship, it would be hard for him to let go of that girl.
- You have to tell a guy what you really want before getting involved with that guy.
- A guy may instantly know if the girl likes him but can never be sure unless the girl tells him.
- Guys really think that girls are strange and have unpredictable decisions but still love them more
- If you have a boyfriend, and your boy best friend always glances at you and it obviously shows that he is jealous whenever you’re with your boyfriend, all I can say is your boy best friend loves you more than your boyfriend does.
- When a guy says he can’t sleep if he doesn’t hear your voice even just for one night, hang up. He also tells that to another girl. He only flatters you and sometimes makes fun of you.
- If a guy says you’re beautiful, that guy likes you.
Well, those are some facts about guys. Girl, to know if you actually likes a guy, be aware of these:
- Take notice of how you and your body react next time you see him.
- Notice if you talk to your friends about him a lot
- Count how many times you think about him a day. More than twice, you like him.
- Notice if your friend says you blush whenever he's around or if his name is mentioned.
- You remember incidents or moments you've had with him.
- Notice if you are the first one to text him or to start a conversation with him.
- Notice if you get a sudden thrill whenever you hear his name.
- Notice if you feel jealous when he's around other girls and/or flirts with them.
- Notice if you think about him in the most random moments.
- Finally, the biggest sign that there is: Were you thinking of him as you read this whole page?If you do, then you must really LIKE LIKE him. Haha :DD
Who Loves You ? :O lol
THIS SAYING GOT MY ATTENTION :D
True that. I second this statement 110% without any doubts. Why?
Let me tell you. Why I say this is true? Reason here is I've met some who had been in my life for quite some time but when I needed them the most, they were NEVER there. How yucky is that? Hmm you tell me.. I used to think that the longer I know someone, I can trust them the most though everything I'm going through now proves me WRONG! Well, who says life is fair. All in all, things like this helps you realize what life is all about. For everything you have missed, you may gain something and for everything you have gained, you may lose something either. It is never a win-win situation. The point here is how you look at the outcomes whether it is in a positive or a negative perspective (:
Same rules applies to me. I lost some people in life but throughout the losing, I gained new friends who were there to help me get up. True friends will always be there when you are in need and fake friends are bound to leave you and not bother to even care. No matter how long you've known someone, it does not prove that the person is a true friend. The ones that stays alongside you without any reason on the other hand are those you might want to keep on hold in your life. They are the beauty life could offer to you after all the troubles it gives you :DD
Treasure the ones you have. Learn from mistakes you make. Never regret!
Friends. You can find a lot of them. You can lose most of them too.
It's hard to know who is a real friend and who is NOT .
However, friendship is a thing a person needs. It completes one's soul.
Appreciate every friendship that comes in life and learn from every mistakes you make from it.
True friends are hard to find but lucky me, I've found some and I treasure them always.
Friendship colours your life. Friends are like a scenery to complete a picture.
You experience most of your dramas in life with them.
Hardships , happiness , sadness evolves around friendship but its bond is never weaken.
Friendship never grows old and rust due to time.
The longer a friendship, the strengthen its bond becomes :DD
Whenever you are having a bad day, remember , friends will always be there.
They make the world a BEAUTIFUL place to live in <3
Monday, 24 October 2011
Okay #awkward .. Hi there. This is my 1st post and I feel like talking about someone (:
It is fun to have you around. I don't know why but you actually help make me laugh and forget how hurt I felt when the only person I thought meant the world to me left. True. I have lots of other friends but talking to them took only part of the pain which helps only a tiny bit. The whole thing is different when I'm talking to you. You make me forget. Thank you. Recently, you told me you're hurt because someone did something bad to you and the worst part is that you actually love that someone. I'm not a good place for you to seek for advice but I assure you I am capable of being a good listener. I couldn't tell you some things but here, I put it down in words :
You're a great person. You don't need people to complete you. You yourself is more than enough.
No matter how lonely you feel, put it this way : Friends will always be there
Don't blame people for mistakes done by a person in your life. It is unfair.
You COLOUR your life with things you want to remember but ERASE those that makes you sad.
Memories are memories. You can't touch them no more.
Try giving yourself another chance (:
Remember the YOU that I first got to know?
So cheerful and up for any challenges. Not the one who always feel lonely blablabla
Don't you remember? I do.
I remember the day you waved at me and yes, it caught me off guard. HAHA
I remember thinking that you were quite a cute person.
I remember that. It was funny though.
After a couple of years, we meet again (:
I remember how I did not recognize you.
I remember how I asked my friend 'Who is that?'
I remember how we actually became friends after the day we accidentally got stuck in the same group of friends.
I remember how we talked, oh well chat on Facebook.
I remember how it was easy for me to open up to you.
I remember you telling me all about your dramas in life.
I do remember a lot of things.
You are one good friend. That I can tell you. I find it easy to talk to you. It's because you would do most of the talking. All this while I would be the one starting a conversation but with you it doesn't necessarily have to be me. I find it nice that for once I would be the one listening not talking. I thank you for that :DD Not that I am saying I do understand you but I am trying.I'm not a mind reader so I don't know what do you think of me,but I can assure you I am glad that I got the chance to know you . You are fun to befriend and interesting to get to know. You see things differently than any typical people. I find that unique in a very weird way. Because the way you see those things, super WEIRD! You say things directly. Sometimes, truth hurts #justsaying HAHA! Yehh you make me laugh a lot with your stupid jokes. Talking to you makes me feel matured. I like that because not many can make me feel that way. Not old, MATURED. Note that eyy.
I don't know how to describe you but you are one unique person. Don't change that :D