Just A Reflection (:

 Hi there. It's been a while since I posted something eh. Well, now I'm writing most of my feelings in a book where no one can read it. I need privacy once in a while. So, what to write here I have no idea but I'm going to try anyways. Have you ever heard of something called wherever or whatever it is, do it with your most effort and never regret? Sure you did eh. That's what I feel like talking about here now. I can't help it but to just accept things the way it is. I mean, whatever I do it does not matter because everything I do I know I've given my best effort and if it's a failure the least is I've tried, right? I don't know why but I'm just accepting everything that's happening to me now. It's not awesome obviously but it's meant to be so why run when I can always face it. It hurts me sometimes but it is okay. I've learned to take things as it is and experience makes me a little bit more stronger. I don't hate the fact that I have to go through all this but I appreciate it because it shows that God is giving me something to ponder about and all this is because I need to learn from it. Take it as a lesson. Once, I thought losing someone was a punishment but now how thankful I am because it taught me that in life you might lose precious people or things and all you got to do is to continue living and not give up. It also means it is a challenge and not to show how weak you can be instead to fight your way up and prove how strong it makes you. I believe that if it wasn't for all this pain, I wouldn't even mature or think positively. I might still be living in my own dreamworld where everything goes according to what I want. My life would be scripted. Now that there's a challenge, I am taking another route which I don't even know where it's going to lead me. When nothing goes right, go left. Never rely on one thing but always plan another. If plan A doesn't work out, you have another 25 alphabets to go with so never give up. At the end of the route, you'll find something worth it. All it takes are time ,effort and patience. You sometimes deserve better but you just do not realize it. One mistake is not the end neither is one lost but giving up is what makes it an ending in life (: So, I guess that is what I'm going to do for now. Life is all about making the best out of it and being creative not dull :D

Just A Day

 Dear blog, you've been a good companion and a loyal listener (: I thank you for that and I won't ask more of you only to just need you to stay the same. I've no idea what to write now but I still feel like writing and here it goes. Hmm, yesterday's okay and I did basically nothing apart from just sitting around at home in front of my laptop. Boring life? You tell me. So, I've been listening to this one video with three songs since morning up till now as in the whole day. I have no clue why am I so addicted to it but one thing's for sure is that I kept on pressing the replay button. Freaky, I can see that. It's just that there's too much in my mind and I need to tune it all down so I helped myself by listening to these songs. I don't even know what's right and what's wrong now. I need to talk to someone but I couldn't because I don't know how to explain things. I met my best friend today afternoon and I needed her so badly! I mean I need someone to tell me that I'm sane and whatever I'm doing is the right thing. If it's not the right thing, at least someone to tell me how to fix things. The whole day, I was able to hide my actual feelings but not now because I can't sleep. Please, I hope everything goes okay and I can actually forget things that I don't want to remember. I hoped that being with friends just now can actually make me let loose of myself and be more positive. I'm going to send a silent prayer so that what I hope will come true. Amin (: It was nice too despite all of the gloomy emotions I'm feeling, I admit that I did have some nice time. Thanks to some, I guess. That's all I'm telling. I had an up and down day but I'm still breathing and continuing my life hoping for a better outcome in the upcoming days :DD

Moving On , I Hope (:

 SMILE pleaseee. Okay , I just want to make a point that I'm happy? Haha. No, it's just that I've come clean about my feelings to someone and pheww no more guilt now. Maybe a little bit of awkwardness but at least both of us would feel it instead of me alone which definitely will suck. I don't expect much because I'm tired of expecting so I'm just going to go with the flow. If it's working then (: but if it doesn't, I'll just take it as it is. I know all this while I've been talking about moving on, right? The truth is I've never planned on moving on, not at all. It's just me trying to convince myself that I am capable of moving on but I don't even have the strength for it. Amazing that all of a sudden, I am taking one step ahead of my past which I've held on for so long now. I don't plan to be having this feeling for anyone and by that I mean I don't easily have feelings for people but now here I am acting like this. *cuckoo* I don't even know if this is a right thing whether it is a good feeling or not. Seriously, I've given up. Then , when I went out with this person, for the 1st time I felt comfortable and easy. I don't feel that way with guys even if I've lots of guy friends, I don't put myself in a comfy state if I'm around them. This time, it just feels different for me. It's not the face, not the style but it's more to me feeling relaxed and not try so hard to be normal. Weird? You got that right. I don't even get me or what I'm talking about right now. HAHA. Whatever it is, I'm thankful for this because I am definitely moving on and this feeling I'm having helps a lot. I don't know if the person would feel the same way and as much as I know this feeling is wrong, I still am grateful despite what the outcomes might be. Thank you :D Sorry for the heads up. I'm not close to being a perfect someone but at times , I've figured out that happiness is yours only once you see past all the imperfections. No one can have what they want but they will get only what they need and that's life. I know that things usually falls apart so that other things will fall together so I'm taking my life that way. It had been broken once in the past but now I'm trying to fix it so new memories will fill in the old ones and best if it can replace them (:

I don't know :(

 " I just don't know if I can do it anymore. "

" Get close to somebody , just to push them away and watch them leave, again! "

Yes. I've been through that. I admit I used to be the one leaving but when I was the one left, I understood how much it hurts especially when the person who left you was the one you cared the most. People say you won't feel until you've been hit at least once. So there goes my lucky hit and it made me 'feel' for quite some time. I changed after that and I don't know if it's for the better or worst. Now, it sucks because all I could think of is for me to feel safe and there's no more adventure. I don't try new things and explore more because I'm afraid of getting hurt. Paranoia much , I know. I can't afford losing anyone anymore so I push people away from me. I put myself in the center of a solid wall that limits me and the others which is good in some ways but bad in others. How am I going to recover from that? I can't live like this all my life. I mean, sure you can live like there's no one to worry about but somehow deep down I know it's difficult to not feel some kind of a lost. I know this because I feel it. I miss all the things I used to have. I miss having someone that I can talk to and tell almost everything. Also, I miss having someone who would care for me and tell me things I want to hear. So stuck-up lame I know that but I just can't help but miss these things. After all , I am human so, missing and wanting is a normal behaviour for me. Just that I can't bear losing again. No more D:

Sayangss :D

From left : Me , Mardhiah , Nabilah

 Meet us ! I don't know
what else to write so I'm introducing my 'husband' and 'madu'. Mehehehe #gedikgila Well, I just met them in University this year but we've gotten really close to each other. I have to say I like joking around with them. Mardhiah is the one always being funny and weird. Nabilah's more to a matured attitude
with a hint of cheekiness. They're really fun to hang around with (:

 This baby here on my lap is Ivy. She's my 'madu' too and with her around, it makes four of us a whole. She's very cute and fun to chit chat with. To top it up she's a honey and always being funny. See how it rhymes? lol (:

Okay so here it goes, I love this people so very much and even if we've only gotten to know each other for a short while, we've been through a lot together. Assignments, hang outs, troubles and such. A few months can be quite a memory for me being around them. When I cry, these people are the ones who would comfort me because I'm nowhere near my family. They make me feel like things are going to work out fine. They make me smile at every second a day no matter how rough things had been. I spend the morning till evening with all four of them and the nights with Madee and Ivy as Nabilah's not staying in college. We hung around each other

almost 24/7 so even if it was only a few months yet we know one other's life better. We share all the secrets together whether it is embarassing , bad or vice versa. We built our friendship with sincerity and no matter what we are in person, we always have each other's back and not let the other go down alone (: I love you guys and yes, I miss you so much. I hope that even if we're not in the same class next semester we can always stick like how we did for these past few months. Please? I can't see myself not being close to all of you this new semester. Sad actually and I pray that we can be in the same class. If not, I wish we could spend time together after classes are over :D 

 

Whatever it is, once a friend we stay friends , okay babies? :DD

Don't Assume Please (:

 The picture speaks for itself. Humans are so annoying because at 1st impression they tend to judge. See, our brains function to detect people's attitude , appearance and what not  and there comes 1st impressions. Well, the impressions we get at 1st sight may or may not be true. In my point of view, judging someone after getting to know them for a short while always mislead us to certain things. Observing someone by the way they dress up , talk , walk or whatsoever is a bad way to find out how they actually are in person. I sometimes do that too so I'm writing this to remind myself not to jump into conclusions just by seeing how someone appears to look like. I don't know why but I just hate it when people judge without knowing the truth or the story behind every action a person does. Seriously man, don't be so paranoia with things around you. A guy may appear all good-looking and gentleman but deep down he can be such a pain-in-the-butt jerk. A girl can be so flawless and dreamy but she might be a stuck-up-b***h somewhere so it's obvious that judgements on the outer personality is so wrong. Why not try making conversations and get to know them better then you can have the rights to judge. I know this because in life, I've encountered so many people who just judge from what they see without having the heart to know what the actual reason is behind every action done. I feel terrible on behalf of them for what they've been missing. Who knows the person they hate all this while could've been the best friend a person could ask for. Pity. So please, whatever it is try seeking for an explanation for a better glimpse of what someone is like. Don't be a hater because no hate is going to bring you satisfaction instead it'll only make you feel insecure about yourself. True. Hmm..I wonder how many relationships could have been saved, how many farce relationships unshackled, how many business deals might have been clinched, how many frauds could have been averted, if we were never equipped with this human-instinct of judging people from appearances! Lol. Who knows, right? Nobody. You do get me however that just don't be so judging on what appears to the naked eye because at times, only the heart speaks and knowing someone by the heart brings more joy and understanding rather than outer appearance (: Note that one can pretend to be someone one is not and vice versa. Life is full of adventures so enjoy experiencing them while you can and make the best out of it. Don't fill yourself with hatred because no fun will ever comes out of it :3