I don't know :(

 " I just don't know if I can do it anymore. "

" Get close to somebody , just to push them away and watch them leave, again! "

Yes. I've been through that. I admit I used to be the one leaving but when I was the one left, I understood how much it hurts especially when the person who left you was the one you cared the most. People say you won't feel until you've been hit at least once. So there goes my lucky hit and it made me 'feel' for quite some time. I changed after that and I don't know if it's for the better or worst. Now, it sucks because all I could think of is for me to feel safe and there's no more adventure. I don't try new things and explore more because I'm afraid of getting hurt. Paranoia much , I know. I can't afford losing anyone anymore so I push people away from me. I put myself in the center of a solid wall that limits me and the others which is good in some ways but bad in others. How am I going to recover from that? I can't live like this all my life. I mean, sure you can live like there's no one to worry about but somehow deep down I know it's difficult to not feel some kind of a lost. I know this because I feel it. I miss all the things I used to have. I miss having someone that I can talk to and tell almost everything. Also, I miss having someone who would care for me and tell me things I want to hear. So stuck-up lame I know that but I just can't help but miss these things. After all , I am human so, missing and wanting is a normal behaviour for me. Just that I can't bear losing again. No more D: